Top 7 Sexiest Animated Characters We Still Think About!

The year was 1996 and I was 23 years old. It was my first winter in the city alone, having moved to start my life and career after school. Being a big Michael Jordan fan, I decided to go see Space Jam alone as any friends I did have were with their families over the holidays.  With my buttered popcorn I sat in the completely empty theatre and waited for the movie to start not knowing what to expect. That evening something awakened in me. Lola Bunny in those shorts? Newman from Seinfeld inflated until he burst? It was all too much for me. As I continued to become excited, my buttered hands as if in a trance began to slide down my body and underneath my pants. I am not proud to admit it, but I pleasured myself that evening alone in the theater. I will never forget that experience, and it is a feeling I chase with every new Pixar mom. While Lola isn’t my top choice, she will always be my first:

#7: Nala

Umm…hello, TAIL! I don’t think you need me to remind you what they say about girls with tails. When she collapses onto the grass and looks up with those lascivious eyes I just can’t help myself. I yearned so much for that experience I went on safari to live out my fantasy. After several hours in a Tanzanian prison I was eventually let out so long as I promised never to return.

#6: Lola Bunny

What else needs to be said? Those shorts? That crop top? All top tier. She has a confidence that comes from knowing you’re the center of attention. As much as she does it for me, she’s too unattainable for a guy like me which holds her back from being higher on the list. 

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#5: Johnny Bravo

Not where I thought my life would go but what can I say. Something about his confidence does it for me. He’s just so unaware, I find it endearing. Don’t get me started on those biceps. Only reason he’s not higher is because of the weak calves. I like ‘em sturdy. I need to feel he’s firmly planted if I’m going to be carried across the threshold to consummate the marriage. 

#4: Bugs Bunny in a dress

Umm, where were you hiding this absolute smoke show during Space Jam? All the charm of Bugs, with all the looks and then some of Lola. No need to belabour the point- a knockout

#3: Garfield

He’s a man who knows what he wants and goes for it. I often fantasize I’m shrunk down and stuck in a lasagna. I call out to him not to eat me, as another forkful enters his mouth. He can’t hear me. I am swallowed whole. I am terrified. Yet somehow also aroused knowing I’m inside him. I let out a scream, half in terror, half in ecstacy as I wriggle my way through him. Tantalizing.

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#2: Dilbert

His tie isn’t the only thing erect. Who doesn’t love a mysterious man, and oh boy does Dilbert have secrets. The eyes are the window to the soul, but with him? Nothing. What’s going on in that mind of his? I invite him over for dinner and welcome him inside. He’s flustered from the engineering firm. I shush him. “It’s ok baby.” I remove his glasses slowly. I stare into his eyes for the first time. Immediately I am entranced. Everything I have ever known and ever will know leaves my mind. I cannot look away. He stares back. I feel I am being seen for the first time. I mean really seen, not only for who I am, but also who I want to be. I lead him slowly to the bedroom and unbutton his pressed white shirt. He takes a moment to put it on a hanger. “Ha, typical” I think to myself. He’s a man of habit, reliable. Standing there naked in my bedroom I can tell he’s nervous. I gently push him onto the bed. I climb on top and use him the way the capitalist system uses him all day, a cog in the machine, designing cogs for a machine. I am left all consumed.

#1: Fox Robin Hood

What. A. Baddie.