5. Rat-hat-ouille
They say sometimes life imitates art, but what is art, if not rat mispelled, and what are rats if not the creatures who put spells on society. For years New Yorkers have known what the rest of the world doesn’t, we are on their turf, and we are all cheese in their game of life. From the trappist monks making cheese, to the New York pizza shop owner, we are all competitors in this rat race to provide them with sustenance.
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4. Holy vibrations straight to the dome
What if I told you, the path to piousness wasn’t paved with good deeds, but superior technology developed by America’s greatest defense contractors. If you think your sluggish analogue connection to the heavens can compete with laser link prayers travelling at 200 gigabytes per second, you may as well be a Roman pagan blaspheming their way to eternal hellfire.
3. Jew gotta be kidding me
From a small startup reliant on minor contributions, to becoming the world’s most galant and lavish institution requires a financial mastermind. I’m not saying it’s obvious, but the founder of the company was known for turning complimentary water to wine when eating out at restaurants. Before you all start exploring Buddhism, recognize that without a fiscally responsible chairman, you’d be eating beats and standing on cold stone like those dreary Eastern Orthodox weirdos.
2. Halocopter
If you’re being asked about moving parish priests around, or nazi gold being deposited for safe keeping in the Vatican, wouldn’t you want to ascend to heaven and away from silly questions. This is perhaps the most obvious reason why most of Leonardo da Vinci’s aircraft designs haven’t been uncovered to this very day.
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1. He’s built different
Who knew Dan Aykroyd and the cast at Saturday Night Live were warning us about these angelic beings all along. If you aren’t convinced that a supreme being with a naturally occurring high frequency prayer relay node in their head exists, then you are just as foolish as Dr Green who keeps trying to get me back on my meds.