There are growers. There are showers. And then there are the left-overs. That’s me.
Every time I step up to the urinal is an exercise in humiliation. Sure I could just not look at the dongs on display, but you just can’t help comparing sometimes. It’s in vogue at the moment to joke about having a small penis, a sign of sophistication the ancient Greeks used to say. I assure you there is nothing sophisticated about getting laughed at every time you manage to trick a gal into a third date. All is not hopeless though. Popular jelqmaxxer Pelviclus has been taking the internet by storm recently for his “controversial” jelqing program claiming to be able to double the size of your member in as little as two months.
I sat down with Pelviclus to get to the bottom of this and separate fact from fiction.
AD:
Me: Pelviclus I thank you for taking the time to meet with me. The question on everyone’s mind is: does this actually work?
Pelviclus: It absolutely does work. If you follow the steps in my masterclass I offer a money back guarantee you will double your wang length
Me: Listen that sounds great and all, I would love another 2 inches, but what is the science behind this?
Pelviclus: Well it’s pretty simple really. You know when you lift weights your muscles grow back stronger? Well yanking your dinkus can cause micro tears causing the soft tissue to repair with more elasticity. In turn this allows more blood flow over time inflating your trouser snake.
Me: Makes sense but could you share some sample techniques from your course for the audience?
Pelviclus: Certainly, first of all is the ever popular anvil drop:
By dropping an anvil attached to your nozzle off a tall building, the sudden tugging surprises the tissue causing quick elastication like stretching the neck of a sweater out with a giant head.
Me: Fascinating. What would you recommend to those without an anvil?
AD:
Pelviclus: Well if you have a dog I recommend the ever popular doggy dash:
What I like about this one is it’s a good bonding experience for the dog and gets you out in nature at the park. Essentially you tie your dog’s leash to your gherkin and throw a tennis ball. I would recommend at least a medium sized dog for this but really any will do as long as properly motivated.
Me: Wow I see why this is so popular.
Pelviclus: The important thing is to get creative, you can really do this anywhere. Here’s the setup of my room currently when I don’t have a lot of time to get my anvil out of storage:
Pelviclus: I call this the Swingadoo. I think it speaks for itself.
Me: There is some real innovation here. I thank you for your time and look forward to trying these techniques out myself.